mind in a mess

yesterday was the highlight of this 1st half of the year that really got me breathless and heart pounding out of rhythm. words can't describe how I feel now. One after another just came. aftermath waves knocked one by one. even until now there's still some unrest. 

what could explain of this phenomena? Only God knows

why of all times it had to be yesterday? Only God knows

what we've done is it the right way? Only God knows

what is it to be learn out of this? Only God knows and time will reveal

there will be questions remain unanswered. we only reason with ourselves, finding a resolution that can put our minds into some rest. However my heart could not just accept that. there has to be something else.

but,

through this, i gain insight that i have loads more to improve in

- thinking of possibilities and probabilities in what to do during a situation. clearly, i'm not thinking. let alone to reach the level of enough

- have to more observant and ready to act. this needs training

- follow my gut feeling no matter what. even it may be crazy/irrelevant to others

- equip myself better. being dependent to others is NOT the way to go

if money could solve the problem, it wouldn't be a problem anymore.

in a total blank state of mind. shut down.