Seriousness on a whole new level

When I go back to my hometown after MIA for quite some time, people tend to ask 'what are you doing now?', 'how long more will you be finishing?', what to you intend to do?', 'are you going to government or private?', 'what are you actually studying?' So on and so forth just about 'so what is your next plan?' Technically I know what I want to do but that does not fit so well with what the society thinks I should do. 

Yes, I do actually dislike how the society thinks about life in general. I for one do not want to fit into the stereotype of social norms. I'm a social deviant where I'm and will be shun upon. But, DO NOT JUDGE ME! 

I'm getting really tired of people asking me what I want to do in life such as working places where I get it a lot nowadays since I will be done with studying. I don't really blame them for asking. They just want to know who is doing what and where. It's not their fault. But when that many people asking in a short period of time is really testing a person's patience. Guess I have not gotten a lot of patience yet. 

So my answer is really simple and repetitive as how the questions are: don't know and wanna just laze around for the moment. 

But as always, people judge. 

I don't want to go into a job just for the sake of working and earning a salary. Especially not after I've been doing my internship for almost 2 months now. 2 months does have a significant impact on what kind of job I prefer although it's a challenge to me everyday walking through those doors. 

I do have my plans about my future. It is only the fear that is holding me back. The fear of failure, the fear of criticism, and the fear of the unknown. Everyday I'm psycho-ing myself to gather the strength and courage to take a step of faith into the unknown. Sometimes I wonder why do I keep challenging myself to do something that I don't like. In the end, not everything or anything can be achieved without sacrifice and action. 

I can sit all day and talking about what I want to do and what I want to achieve. However that would not realized unless I act upon it. This IS my new year's resolution. 

Everyday and every time I think about my future, I psycho myself like how I am doing now so that I do not just talk but walk the walk. 

So I must learn not to care so much about what other people think about the choices that I make as long as it is right in the eyes of God and that's it. I do not want to live a life of regretting why I did not take the opportunity of choosing when I still had the chance. I'm not gonna waste my life into following social norms and be stuck there. 

No more time to dilly dally to care about what people might think. They can judge me all they want. I live my own life. I live not to please others. 

And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? - Matthew 16:26 (NLT)